The Real Test of Every Day Life

I’m afraid to report that Wednesday was a tough day for me, at times – completely by choice. As one of my mentors, Dr. Greg Baer of RealLove.com says, “Every single time we become anxious or doubtful or irritated, we must first forget the love and vast potential of joy available to us.” How true. On Wednesday, I would forget, remember, forget, remember – you get the picture. The loads of sugar I ate when Kevin graciously brought in chocolate cookies for the class didn’t help. I can’t blame the sugar or Kevin though. Some lessons I need to learn more than once, or twice, or three times – again, you get the picture. Here’s what happened – I take full responsibility and share it here in case what I’m learning may be a mirror for you even if the details of our stories differ.

Trial 1 – Success

One thing I love about The Vienna Academy of Visionary Art is that there are no formal tests. This doesn’t mean we don’t get tested though – artistically, personally, spiritually. I got rather emotional for less than a minute in the afternoon, while cleaning my brushes, because I was comparing my painting to others’. Our skill difference in blending paints is so obvious, and my lack of progress in that area can be discouraging. I’m human – it happens. Fortunately, I was able to let that one go rather quickly, remembering how much I enjoyed painting it and how much I learned by observing others work. It’s all good! Yay!

Trial 2 – More Learning to Do

With my second test, however, I didn’t do so well. I’m aware of the lesson and my internal processes, but am also aware that I still have a ways to go to be a truly unconditionally loving person. My classmates are doing a great job at helping me 🙂

As I’ve mentioned in an earlier posts, one of my lifelong and biggest pet peeves is tardiness. Our class hasn’t had a good track record in the last 5 months – if people show up at all, they’re often late. Yes, you can already read my irritation in my choice of wording. I told ya, I’m still learning … I know it is none of my business and that people are free to make their own choices. I can’t control other people. I also know that loving people unconditionally means caring about their happiness without wanting anything in return. Who knows? Their happiness may be enhanced by sleeping in or whatever. I never asked – I never cared. My anger and irritation (whether or not it shows on the outside) doesn’t serve me and certainly doesn’t serve them. Each time I choose to focus on Me Me Me when people walk in late, I choose to step out of love and step out of happiness. On some days, my feelings and thought lead me to think that I’ve mastered this lesson, but not on this day. Instead, I judged and grumbled inside. We started class an hour late because only 3 of us were there at 10am. While I was preparing the absentee’s work stations and starting the first steps of the day’s project for them in case they showed up (following the teacher’s request), I kept telling myself to choose to see this as an act of kindness. My irritation, however, kept bubbling up and I was on the love/non-love roller coaster. Quite the test. I would succeed in making a more loving choice and then a few minutes or even hours later, it would raise its ugly head again because it affected some of the offerings that Timea had scheduled that I had become attached to. Sigh…

So although we don’t have formal tests at this school, there are plenty of opportunities for custom-made learning and growing – for that I am grateful. Until we let go of our pet peeves, they’ll follow us around our whole lives and truly, it’s not worth the price of holding onto them. My experience yesterday proves that to me once again. I know that the only person I can change is myself. I’m working on it!

My sincerest apologies dear classmates for not loving you unconditionally on this day.

P.S. Here a link to the Real Love.com page where you can find some free videos that explain some of what I’m learning about unconditional love and anger/irritation.