In Myself I Am Free – the painting & process

The layers of paint and process behind what you see above are many. I’m choosing to share this story to illustrate the powerful transformative powers of creativity – in my case, intuitive painting.

It’s a story of letting go of the layers of “shoulda woulda coulda” that keep us stuck doing & being in ways that aren’t aligned with our Higher Selves.

In 2 weeks, I’ll be sharing an interview that goes deeper into the parallels of intuitive painting & intuitive living. You’ll get so much more out of that video after reading this story.

Today, my hope is to inspire you to find a creative outlet to process whatever it is that arises in your life for your inner peace, your inner freedom, and therefore for the good of all.

It could be gardening, song-writing, poetry, painting, pottery, puzzle design … anything.

I hadn’t painted on canvas since before my sabbatical in Europe. My focus and passion had been directed to painting drums.

The time was approaching, however, for submissions to our annual provincial Arts & Letters Awards. I won this award with its accompanying cash prize & prestigious place in an exhibition back in 2019 with the painting “Every Dot a Prayer“.

At that time, I’d been Guided to spend 11 months co-creating the Re-Connection Collection of 11 canvases. It was a deeply personal project that later became the focus of 11 Reconnect to Your True Self video lessons. These give others the chance to benefit from what my Team of Divine Helpers had guided me through.

That year, I had no problem going deep in the co-creation process and keeping the painting off social media and the Internet for 5-6 months until the jurying results were revealed. This was a criteria for submission. I was following inspiration. Submitting the painting to the competition was part of that intuitive flow.

Last year, I didn’t feel as comfortable keeping my submission hidden for almost half a year. I couldn’t quite identify why, but it didn’t feel good.

This year, I started this painting with the goal of submitting it to the competition and hopefully winning a cash prize. Bills had been unusually high after my sabbatical and income unusually low.

My only purpose (on the initial start day) was to paint to win … already, not a good feeling. And not pretty to admit … but it’s true.

I started painting in layers of warm and cool mark-making like I teach in my free Guide to Intuitive Painting.

It didn’t take long to get into the flow – to be blissfully thankful that I’d set aside a big block of time for this painting marathon. 

Visions came and were translated onto the canvas. The face in the painting above is but one of many of various genders, ages & races that covered the canvas at one point.

As the hours and days passed, however, the initial feelings of oneness, connection and community that inspired the imagery transformed into the uncomfortable realm of societal pressure, limitations & judgment.

Timing is everything when engaged in an intuitive process. Everything that comes into your space has meaning. 

During the initial days that I worked on this painting, I received many email notices of grant submission deadlines, competition deadlines, corporate & government art application deadlines.

These are all ways that many professional artists rely on for funding their passion. But none of these emails received an instant strong intuitive”Yes!”.

So why was I feeling a mounting sense of overwhelm? My left brain had kicked in big time with layers of “shoulds” and “coulds” – all related to money. 

To add to my bubbling anxiety, the email I’d been expecting for weeks with the results of a Fall school project proposal still hadn’t come in.

Painting helped alleviate the stress build-up. It kept me focused in the observer mode – contemplating what was being revealed in the mirror that was my painting.

I was face to face with questions that called for deeper reflection.

At one point, about 30 hours in, I simply had to stop painting. 

Some may have said that the piece looked complete.

There was 1 face left with many swirls giving it a sense of forward momentum. And, of course, thousands of dots, each one a prayer and an opening to Divine Energy and Guidance.

What the painting told me was that I needed breathing space. So I took it. I didn’t touch it for a week.

To the outside world, it may have looked like I wasn’t doing anything. I spent my days either in stillness or watching movies (my decompression & escape tool).

But that “week off” was all part of the process – once I was able to let go of additional layers of “shoulds” and “coulds”about “not working” that week. Accepting that meant accepting myself as I was.

I chose to let the deadlines (and therefore funding opportunities) pass. And what I felt was relief. 

Was that sabotage or alignment?

I really had to question that. I’m not one to shy away from hard work. Every application can take 15 hours or more. I’ve done it many times before.

Was I going into a “why bother?” mode because I hadn’t succeeded in the past?

Something deeper wanted to emerge. A deeper truth.

Here are some of the conclusions I came to in my discussions with Spirit:

• For me to be in alignment, money can’t be my primary motive to create.
• Forcing project ideas into being simply to take advantage of grant opportunities won’t work for me. The inspiration for a project must come first. If the timing doesn’t work with grant deadlines, then support will come through other channels.
• Keeping this painting a secret for half a year only to have it be judged as worthy or unworthy didn’t feel right.
• I never got the Fall school tour project because it wasn’t in my Highest Good this year. Sending yet another email to ask for news of their decision could put that unknown to rest.
• Even though I’d been waiting for a particular art acquisition project for 10 years, the way it was articulated and its technical criteria didn’t fit with what I have to offer. I had to let go of expectations instead of trying to fit my square peg into a round hole.

My sense of relief at letting all those “dead”lines go was a sure indicator that my decisions were in alignment.

The layers of awareness and decisions that came from this contemplative process only led to more layers of questioning. It’s just like intuitive painting – one layer after another until if feels complete.

If I wasn’t going to take advantage of the many available sources of funding for professional artists, what do I need to do?

• Was it time to quit painting for anyone else but myself?
• Was this the end of DominiqueHurley.com and all my social media?
• Did I need to go back out there after 10 years to look for a job?
• How can I be of service if the energy flow in my art & intuitive services was so low?
• What needed to change in me or my life for this next chapter to be fruitful and fulfilling?

I could have easily spiralled downwards had I gotten stuck in the thinking realm about all this.

Instead, I returned to the studio for the first time in a week to stare at my painting while dancing on my mini-trampoline. I asked. I prayed. I listened.

I started journaling for the first time in a long time. Instead of my notebook, I used both sides of a large sheet of sketching paper.

By the time I’d finished processing my past week, I felt free! 

I was 100% sure my decisions weren’t the result of self-sabotage but rather staying in alignment with my inner guidance.

Resisting that inner guidance with the layers of “shoulda woulda coulda” is what had caused the angst. 

A vision of a peace dove appeared, which I sketched on top of the writing on my journal page. I then cut it out to make the stencil for the dove you see in this painting.

A few hours later, the painting was complete.

My faith in my Guidance and my Path had also been restored. 

And soon after that, I was given a job … by Spirit – to lead the Holiday Spirit Circle online from December 1-January 1st. It’s not too late to join.

Its purpose it to help you get back into alignment while following Spirit’s leadership so that we may all (me included) end this year in the Highest Vibration possible and start the new one in alignment with our Highest Good. If any part of you says, “That’s for me!”, please take inspired action here.

As soon as I said “Yes!” to Spirit’s job offer, the energy started flowing into motion again in many forms. I just had to take out the dam (spelling intentional) “shoulds” & “coulds”.

Now you know why it’s difficult to answer that common question: “How long did it take to make this painting?”

Sure, there was about 50 hours of painting. But do I add the whole week of transmuting, processing, transforming the layers of inner questioning and patterns that were revealed before adding the final peace dove?

So really, the best answer I can come up with is: “A lifetime!” to include all the painting & personal growth practice that led me to it in the first place.

The name “In Myself I am Free” is a lyric from the song “I am Free” by Swami Kriyananda that I heard on Radio Ananda just as I put the finishing touches on the dove and was asking it: “What’s your name?”, ” I know “Freedom” is in there somewhere”.

Answers come through all our senses…