Letting Go … a lesson in non-attachment

The principle that nothing in life is constant but change itself has long been ingrained in me.  I let go of 5-year plans decades ago, when I realized that my life could be richer and better directed by my Higher Self, my Spirit, my sources of guidance who communicate to me more and more clearly as I learn to listen.

For those of you who have been following my journey, you know how strongly I was guided to move to Vienna to study at the Vienna Academy of Visionary Art.  I am grateful for that guidance every day as I am learning so much. My 6 months of intensive and multifaceted fundraising efforts were definitely worth it. I know I am meant to be here now. If you’ll recall, I had originally planned to be here for a trimester, but when the fundraising efforts exceeded my goal and the school changed its curriculum, I came to the conclusion that I was meant to be here a year.

Since arriving in Vienna a month ago, I have done my best to live in the present, to be here now.  I’ll admit that there has also been an underlying current of stress flowing through my days as I am yet again faced with having to embrace the mystery and put my trust in the Universe (which is strong… it’s my trust in bureaucracy that isn’t).  Many of you perceive me to be a free spirited, go with the flow kind of gal – that’s definitely the big picture me, but not necessarily the day-to-day me. My left brain hyper-planner is more often than not trying to run the show and when it doesn’t succeed, it can be pretty stressful. Learning to balance the two has been my journey and my key to success.

Yesterday was my deadline to commit to my housing reservation for the new year. They were able to extend my current room until February and then move me to another residence a few blocks from here at an equal distance to school as this one is full for the next semester- they even extended their reservation period by a couple of weeks following my request.  Unfortunately, I am not willing to risk losing $1000 by committing to this reservation as I am uncertain if I will legally be able to return to Austria after Christmas when my current visa expires.  There is a 3-month mandatory out-of-the-country period between visas and because the school’s accreditation papers are still being passed around from one ministerial office to another (which they have for the last 6 months), I am not currently able to change my class D visa to a residence visa, which I could do here.  I did buy my next Ottawa-Vienna-Ottawa plane ticket and extend my Blue Cross health insurance so I would have the paperwork ready for whenever I can start the residence permit process, but I am not willing to commit to the international residence housing contract.  Committing to it didn’t feel right.

I like where I’m living and all that is provided by this agency.  One of my classmates made her request closer to the date of arrival and is living at the end of the subway line amongst car dealerships. I just like having things figured out and set up ahead of time so I can relax and know that I’ll be in a nice clean place with all that I need.  Yet again, however, life is asking me to detach from the need to know – to let go of even knowing whether or not I will be returning to Austria after Christmas.  If I don’t, where will I go? What will I do? Oh my God!  Oh yeah… this is supposed to be a post on how I’m learning to let go – detach…  trust that I will be exactly where I am meant to be for my Highest Good.

I’ll admit – there’s a question in the back of my mind.  Am I really meant to be here a year?  Does my Spirit have other plans for me?  Did I misinterpret the signs? I’m committed to my art and know I would benefit from being here for the full year.  I look forward to what’s coming up in the next 2 trimesters and am thoroughly growing as an artist already through all we’re doing in class and all the extra work I’m doing at home to establish a stronger foundation in drawing.  Should I commit and therefore affirm my Faith that this is my plan, my intention?  Or do I remain open – trusting that I’ll be shown what I am meant to do when the time is right?  It’s tough when decisions are necessary in the “real world” of housing, tuition, etc.  I want to know!  But I can’t at this moment – it’s out of my control and out of the school’s control.

So I’m letting go (my intention through writing and sharing this).  I’m exercising non-attachment.  My deadline to decide on housing has passed and so that’s that.  I don’t have any decisions to make right now.  I open myself to guidance and will live day by day until there’s something I can do.  Just like with my lessons on drawing 2-point perspectives yesterday, I can choose to look at this situation from a different angle and know that it is perfect in what it is, even if my grounded left-brain planner self would wish it to be seen from a clear 1-point perspective, straight on and perfectly square…  We live in a world of illusions, so delusion won’t help …. I’m not sure what that means exactly, but I was moved to conclude my post that way 🙂

Enjoy living in the moment this weekend  – I’m off to a huge flea market with a classmate and we’ll see where we go from there.