Learning from Mistakes – Coeur de Fleur

“Coeur de Fleur” (9″ x 12″) … before my mistake –

Making a mistake in love, life, and intuitive painting isn’t the end of the world. It’s part of learning, part of growing … if we choose to.

Also, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my decades in the studio, it’s that letting go of what you think things should be gives space for accepting what is, on the way to what could be. It’s all part of the beauty of non-attachment.

So did I ruin “Coeur de Fleur” after revealing it on Facebook and rejoicing at my friend Kim McPherson’s name suggestion?

Maybe. Maybe not.

I’m still waiting to hear from Posca, the company that produces the paint markers that didn’t react well to the varnish.

The black got reactivated and bled all over the other colours. My whites are gone and my previously vibrant blossoming heart has turned dull.

I’m also waiting to hear from Golden Paints, to see if I can paint again on top of their varnish.

At least I got this picture to show you. But that’s not all I got.

I know this is an important part of the learning & loving process. Mistakes are part of the journey.

I was strangely not disappointed. Surprised for sure, but immediately aware there was nothing I could do just yet.

Getting angry or blaming Posca would only harm me. Plus, that would likely stop me from seeing the truth – my “mistakes” and what I’m meant to learn from them.

I’m so aware that there was deeper meaning happening here.

This “mistake” had me reflecting for hours about the journey of unconditional love.

I have learned so much about myself & life in the studio.

The intuitive painting process offers sacred space to play, explore, express, and open to intuitive guidance.

It’s an exercise in trust, discovery, and meaning making – one layer at a time.

But learning to truly love unconditionally isn’t something you can do in isolation. It’s an opportunity that arises through our interactions with other people.

And let’s face it. There’s less opportunity for that now with COVID-19. I’ve found myself retreating more and more to my happy hermit mode.

So I’m now determined to meet new people and interact more with human beings – even if it’s online. You don’t have to be isolated, even in COVID-19 times.

Learning about, and better yet, learning to love unconditionally is my lifelong mission. You’ve already heard me say that my life purpose is to explore & express my love of beauty and the beauty of love…

As an oversensitive child, I was bewildered by the lack of real love in the world.

I ended up distancing myself from people to protect myself, preferring the company of my Team of Divine Helpers… and dogs.

I’m grateful for my journey so far with family, romantic relationships, classmates, friendships, colleagues, clients, and everyone I meet.

I’m also ready for my heart to continue blossoming into a much more fruitful garden. And like with any garden, it takes a conscious decision to do so.  Planting new seeds, taking out the weeds, fertilizing the soil – all part of the inner and outer work.

It’s worth it though!

My time in the studio last week was a reflection of my blossoming heart, with all its seasons, dreams, and manifestations.

This painting started with a desire to play with the dozens of layers of paint involved in the armature of the rectangle. I’d so enjoyed the sacred geometry process on my paintings “New Beginnings” and “Age of Aquarius” (both 15″ x 30″ or 1:2 ratio), that I wanted to try it on this smaller 9″ x 12″ (3:4 ratio) canvas.

I wasn’t only painting, however. I was reflecting on my intensive week of study & practice in unconditional love. A few hard truths had come to the surface to be looked at before they were released.

Once the armature was done, I received a vision of an anatomical heart within a glowing heart symbol.

So I drew a human heart on thick card stock and cut it out to make a stencil.

But then I “accidentally” placed the stencil facing down and proceeded to dab the white undercoat.

Oops.  Oh well. That led to a while of reflecting why it was meant for the painting to be a mirror image of the heart I’d intended.

Everything has meaning in the intuitive painting process.

I felt like the painting was asking me what I wanted to see looking at my heart in the mirror.

That’s when I saw an abundant flower garden growing out of it.

This led to hours and hours of playing with my new Posca paint markers, tending to the garden of my heart with joy.

The garden grew so much that you couldn’t quite tell it was a heart anymore.

When I remarked as much to my house-sister, she suggested I paint it red instead of white.

It took a loving moment of connection with another human being to add colour, add life to it. Ah…… good one, wise one!

The next day, I continued to cultivate my heart, adding to the bouquet. It felt quite chaotic, quite busy on that background. Learning to love can get messy, I understood.

And so it grew.

As I was brushing my teeth, I saw something that needed a touch up. 1 1/2 hours later, still with my toothbrush in my mouth, I was done.

I had a lot of other projects waiting for my attention, so I was happy it was finished.

I didn’t have any isolation coat mixture prepared, so I decided to skip that step and go straight to varnish.

A voice in me said, “Are you sure?”

And I did it anyway. Oops.

I’m not sure if the blacks would have bled with the equally wet isolation coat (meant to give art restorers a chance to safely remove the varnish in 100 years without affecting the painting).

All I know is that now I can’t sell this painting. (Note: photo above before this “accident” happened.)

That’s OK.

It obviously still has a lot to teach me. About painting. About life. About learning to love unconditionally.

You just can’t rush the process.

And if you learn from your mistakes, there’s no failure. There’s only choice.  

So keep on growing, keep on blossoming, keep on making mistakes, and keep on learning from them – loving yourself and others in the process.

I know I will.

Stay tuned… there may be a part 2 to this painting’s story. And then again, maybe not.

SEE PART 2 blog post here. Original Painting Sold.